you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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