do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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