At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize