watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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