I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
