I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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