its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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