there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
