whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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