i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
