Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
