if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
