Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
