your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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