Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
