hotel room ftw
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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