his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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