And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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