I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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