I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
