I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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