just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
