Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
