jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
