just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
