I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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