I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
