I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
false alarm, still single
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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