His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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