my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
