I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
