i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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