My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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