We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
