I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
