I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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