No stitches, just platelets and will power
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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