mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
