I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
