I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
