Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
