In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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