To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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