I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
