Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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