ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
