At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
