If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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