I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
