pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
