That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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