the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
