Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
