I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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