im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
