Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize