time to smoke my breakfast
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
