I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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