if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
