Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
