You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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