Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
