dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
