I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
