Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
COCAINE IS GR8
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
