Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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