he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He shit in the fireplace
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
