I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize