Jerry, you need to find god
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
