i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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