Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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