What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize