Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
