He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
