when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
