I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
