I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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