He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
