Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
