How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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