So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
