He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm like, not good at living.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
