Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
