I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
