My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
