I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Best friends brother. Beat that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
