No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
